Grow As We Go
by BurnThoseEyesBlue
Summary: Edward Elric is lost. The Promised Day had come and gone. He'd given up his alchemy, bought Al his body back, and finally returned home to Resembool as a military hero. That was all he'd wanted for years, was for Al to go back to normal, and now he finally has it. So why does he feel so... lost?


**NEW FANDOM! I watched FMA 03, FMAB, live-action, all of the OVAs & shorts, Conqueror of Shamballa, etc. I am _hooked. _I've got a couple of story ideas brewing up, but I haven't had this much drive to write fanfic in years. So, this is my first FMA fic - please give me feedback. Any good, bad, ugly. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any form of FMA.**

**I listened to _Grow As We Go_ by Ben Platt while writing. Hence the title and themes. **

**Enjoy! **

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Edward Elric is lost.

The Promised Day had come and gone. He'd given up his alchemy, bought Al his body back, and finally returned home to Resembool as a military hero. That was all he'd wanted for years, was for Al to go back to normal, and now he finally has it. So why does he feel so... lost?

He's not bored. Winry keeps him busy helping out in her shop, and Pinako likes to take advantage of his newfound height to do all sorts of home repairs. He's working on recovery with Al, teaching him all the things his body forgot with lack of use and making sure he eats enough. All of their friends from Central have come by to visit and check on them, even Mustang (though don't get him started on him gaining his sight back, that _bastard_).

It's better if he pretends he doesn't feel this way. He knows what it is, and when it's late at night and he can't sleep, he sits there with a lump in his throat, trying not to think about it. He's no longer Edward Elric, youngest state alchemist in Amestrus history, the Fullmetal Alchemist. He's just Edward. Or just Ed, maybe. And that's part of the problem.

Who is he without alchemy? Who is he without their mission? He's spent most of his life just jumping from one goal to the next, but now he has none of that. And he doesn't know who he is anymore.

And damn it all, he sounds so ungrateful when he says that. But that's not it, not really. He'd give up his alchemy a hundred times over for Al. Hell, he loves his brother more than life itself. That was the easy part.

The hard part is living with it. He pretends not to notice when Mustang's team gives him sad glances when they don't know he's looking. He knows Pinako will never say it, but it was a hell of a lot easier to fix the roof when all he had to do was clap his hands together. Even Al's been trying not to use it in front of him, for fuck's sake.

He's just tired. On one of Mustang's rare visits when he's not been working on his Ishval crusade, he offered Edward a promoted spot on his team.

"You don't need to have alchemy to work for me, Fullmetal," he'd said. "I've worked with you for years. You're a pain in my ass, but you're competent."

Competent. Ha. That was high praise coming from that asshole.

Edward called him a dick. And then turned him down. They needed him there, at home. Al needed him while he was recovering. Mustang didn't look phased, merely told him if he ever changed his mind to come visit him - and in the Fuhrer's office soon enough.

Even General Olivier Armstrong tried to recruit him for Briggs. That was an even quicker no, because he never wanted to be that cold again in his _life_.

So it's not like he doesn't have opportunities. But would they come to regret their decision? For as much flack as he gave Mustang, he still cared for the asshole and valued his opinion. Unfortunately.

It didn't matter. Really. That's what he's telling himself now. At least, it doesn't matter until Al gets better. And then they can figure out what to do from there.

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**Little introspective piece. As much as I love Brotherhood, I feel like it wrapped up so very emotionally neat that it left me a little hanging. So take some Edward angst. I may continue it, I have a couple more ideas. But please, tell me what you think! :) **


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